Illuminating the Pathways to Recovery

In trying to meet friends and possible love interests outside of my general comfort zone, I keep finding such discouraging posts upon the various dating and social networking sites that state “I have no baggage; you shouldn’t either!”; I, like I’m sure many of you have also, had an “interesting” life fraught with difficulties and experiences that we may not necessarily have been proud of, and/or dealt with a turbulent childhood that may best had been left forgotten, on top of the mental health challenges that were the icing on the cake.

I think a lot of people fail to realize that “baggage” is the culmination of our life experiences. It’s the good; the bad; the things we’re proud of; the circumstances wherein we may have stumbled but are still going forward and looking for our own brand of salvation from what has slowed us down in the past, or even the present. What a person was in the past is not necessarily who they are now, nor does it define who they will be in the future. People do change: we do find better ways to cope and redirect the negative energies that intertwine our souls us into positive ones that help us get the best possible out of life as we can (granted, it isn’t always easy, but it most certainly is possible).

I was told a few years ago that the best I could hope for in dealing with my bipolar challenges is a comfortable place on the couch or working at McDonald’s. Thank you, for the ever so dis-empowering medical model of encouragement to light my way, oh worldly and all-knowing psychiatrists. But it was also a challenge to become more than just a couch potato, I later found.

Recovery, as I’ve mentioned, is pretty broad – it can take the form of recovery from substance addiction, mental health challenges, abuse in its myriad forms, a terrible childhood, or any combination thereof. It is, by any definition, not a complete list of what we can recover from. It helps considerably to have love in our lives – be it the support of friends or family; affection from those that care about us; an abundance of slobbery kisses from our dogs; or to some, the beauty and light that our spiritual connection brings us. Love breeds hope; in turn, hope fosters the empowerment to have the courage to make our own choices and strive to make the dreams we have become reality. The culture which we surround ourselves with adds to that: by being in a safe, mutually supportive environment wherein we are allowed to make those mistakes repeatedly until we learn what that lesson has taught us. The freedom to fail and try again, when needed, is a crucial portion of Recovery. There can be many aspects to what helps a person become all they were meant to be; each of us can open up our toolboxes of what we’ve personally learned in our Recovery, thus sharing our own experiences and insight; however the steps that person takes is a unique journey for each individual to discover.

Those of us who have been through Peer Employment Training to become Peer Supporters have taken what many people consider as “baggage” and used it (or are in the process of using it) for something greater than themselves – giving back and sharing in the hope that other people can recover also.

I know this because I’ve been through the system and I’m working toward helping others find discover themselves in a positive, empowering way. I’ve changed careers toward pursuing a degree as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and am working at a non-profit organization that sincerely promotes Recovery in all its forms. I’ve found that everything in life, the people I’ve met, the things I see, what I’ve tripped over and where I’ve excelled, is a learning experience. I may not know what it meant at that particular moment, but I will learn from it.

After a number of months of thinking about putting up my own blog, I’ve finally conquered those wickedly evil little beasties called Procrastination and Self-Doubt; now that I’ve tugged the clear lime-green cocktail sword out of their collective backsides (and my own), I believe I’m ready to start.

The main reason I started this blog is to detail my own steps toward Recovery from Mental Illness, but it’s also an opportunity to share what is a remarkable departure from everything else that I’ve ever tried to maintain stability in the light of what can be a crushing experience steeped in depression and misery. This becomes a way to share the hope and possibilities that the Recovery model has allowed within not only myself but those of us who have been given the chance to realize our potential in much more positive, empowering directions.

Yet it also addresses the necessity to halt this disparaging fear of the stigma and reactions from friends and even strangers who might judge me for having the audacity to be born with mental health challenges. It has taken me too long to accept that I may never have the zillion friends on Facebook who constantly interact like it’s an ongoing party. It is a very scary proposition to face the hordes of supposedly normal people out there and accept that there is a good chance they will consider me something less than human and walk away. I’ve learned that I rather have a few friends who are completely in my support network than a host of people who barely know me, wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if I disappeared for months on end, and wouldn’t notice if I left completely. In essence, I’d rather have those around me who love me for who I am and accept my love in return than those who do not. So…if you disappear without a word because you’re afraid that I may be unstable, don’t let the doorknob leave a bruise on your ass on the way out… or at least not a permanent one.

If you judge us based on such shallow premises, you will most certainly miss out on the unique perspective that these difficulties bring; you will not experience first-hand the amazing creativity we possess in abundance; the insight and hope we have discovered in our travels through life; our usually wicked sense of humor; and the stories of resilience that we have to share about our journey toward Recovery.

It’s not like I had a choice in the selection; it’s not like I was able to select Coke, Pepsi, Mountain Dew, or the best option in the machine: a lifetime of difficulties thanks to the effects of bipolar disorder. There is a reason why it’s not an instant-win prize to be discovered under the bottle cap, you know. Who would actually want the emotional turbulence, suicidal thoughts, isolation tendencies, and the rest of it? If you do, you’re more than welcome to mine. Though, I suspect you’d be happy to give it back within a week. We didn’t get the option to return it, nor the option to pick it in the first place. It’s not something I’d wish on anyone else, however.

I’m not looking for sympathy here, mind you.  Yes, it’s been a rough path to get where I am.  Rocks and boulders may still impede some paths, there are tools out there to assist in navigating that convoluted trail called ‘life’. There are challenges to overcome still, of course. Yet the person that I am now is due to all those previous seriously-less-than-fun experiences I worked through to get to this point, which thus allows me to become the person I was meant to be. Details will follow in future posts.

Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing more in the future.